I have been contemplating another list - things I like about me or good things about me. It seems narcissistic on the surface, but I thought it might help. I tend to focus on the negative, to the point of a warped body image. Sometimes I feel like I look really good, and other times I feel like a fat hog. I have people tell me regularly that I have nothing to worry about weight-wise, but I still am down on myself. At one point about 2 years ago, I had lost a lot of weight and was working out and watching what I ate obsessively. A friend of ours came over from out of town and caught me right after a workout in a workout tank and some shorts. He said, "How much more weight are you trying to lose?" Even then, I felt on the verge of an eating disorder. That was about the time (or maybe it was before) that I had thoughts of vomitting up my food. I was (and am) disgusted by the idea, but at the time I thought maybe it would help. I never tried it, mainly because that is the worst sensation in the world and could never voluntarily subject myself to it.

Anyway, the list. Another thought was that the list wouldn't be very long. Gee, think I like many things about myself? I also thought I'd negate anything good by saying something like this, "I like my naturally thick, long and blonde hair, but sometimes it looks like Cousin Itt from the Addams Family." I mean, I have non-physical things that are good about me, but they are also subjected to my negativity. Like this, "I am very independent, but worry too much about what others think." So, maybe it's a waste of time. Oh, well.