I posted this on a message board yesterday because I needed immediate release:

I walked the dog around the neighborhood yesterday and had a run in with a little future criminal. As I rounded a corner I came upon a group of kids. One girl of maybe 9 or 10 sat in the grass in a wagon. I was looking straight ahead, or down at the dog. I had sunglasses on, so she probably couldn't really see where I was looking. Anyway, she said, "Would you please stop looking at me. And get your dog before I...before I kill him." I just shook my head. What I should have said - "Look here, you little bitch - First of all, trust me, I don't want to look at your punk ass. Second, come near either of us and you'll get a face full of this here pepper spray*, then my foot in your ass."

*And I walk with my thumb on the trigger.

Stolen from Bitchypoo:

1. Your name spelled backwards.
ytsirhc

2. Where were your parents born?
Mom - Marietta, GA
Dad - Louisville, KY
(I had to look at my birth certificate.)

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
I joined N@pster for the free trial and then the song Breathe by F@bolous. I've despised him in the past, but I love that song.

4. What's your favorite restaurant?
Hmmm. Harmony Vegetarian, then Cafe Sunflower, then Olive Garden (because I love me some breadsticks).

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
This past July when I visited my parents.

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
Yes, but I don't remember what it was. I was in 4th grade (I think) and I was a cow. It involved brown corduroy overalls and a painted shoe box.

7. How many kids do you want?
None.

8. Type of music you dislike most?
Most country, with pop a close second (especially talentless pop, though I do have guilty pleasures).

9. Are you registered to vote?
Yes, as soon as I was eligible.

10. Do you have cable?
Yes.

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Moped, scooter, I get them mixed up. I rode a friend of my stepmother's daughter's moped when I was 12 or 13, and flipped on it. She was pissed I scratched her helmet. Hey, that could have been my skull, you twit.

12. Ever prank call anybody?
Oh, yeah. The last one I remember was calling this little asshole I went to school with who was partially responsible for Jeff going to jail (she ran away, and was fucking his roommate). I'd call and play the "You're gonna die...." part of Welcome to the Jungle, then hang up.

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
No.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
I'd have to think about it.

15. Farthest place you ever traveled.
Norwalk, CA for my last job. Whoopdee do.

16. Do you have a garden?
No, but my husband is building a flower bed that's big enough to park my car in. He used those bricks that you stack. I asked him if he's putting a moat around it.

17. What's your favorite comic strip?
I don't remember.

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Nope.

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Shower, night (or after my afternoon workout). I like to be clean when I go to bed.

20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
I don't see many. Saved! was funny. Sophie's Choice was excellent.

21. Favorite pizza topping?
Mushrooms.

22. Chips or popcorn?
Chips

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
It's a red from Bare Escentuals called Hubba Hubba. Not a bright or blue red.

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
What are you smoking?

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Ha.

26. Orange Juice or apple?
Either. I usually drink a mixture (Juicy Juice).

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
I'm not counting fast food. So, I met missleigh and 3 other ladies we know from a message board (2 of which were from out of town) at Harmomy last month. Oh, I've been to Mellow Mushroom with Jeff. That doesn't really count.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
100 Grand.

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
Last Friday - advance.

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
I hate tomatoes.

31. Have you ever won a trophy?
No.

32. Are you a good cook?
Not really. I can manage, but I hate it. I do make good vegetable soup in the crock pot, but how hard is that? Oh, my cornbread is usually a hit.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Are you fucking kidding?

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
Yep. Proactiv (still using it), OxyClean (still), Nad's (sent it back). I'm sure I'm forgetting something.

35. Sprite or 7-up?
Sprite. No, Diet Cherry Coke.

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yes, at Little Caeser's.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Allegra-D, Halloween candy on clearance (some for me, some for a soldier in Iraq), Neutrogen@ Oil Control Pads.

38. Ever throw up in public?
Yes, I was young. I barely remember, but it was in front of the buffet at Pizza Hut.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Millionaire.

40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Not really.

41. Ever call a 1-900 number?
No.

42. Can ex's be friends?
It's probably not a good idea.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Um....my former friend Aimee when she had her first baby? That was 9 or 10 years ago.

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
Yes, always have.

45. What message is on your answering machine?
"You've reached nnn-nnn-nnnn. Leave a message." Same on my cell.

46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Tough one. Dana Carvey as Ross Perot? I can't pick.

47. What was the name of your first pet?
Cookie the beagle. Then Boots the cat.

48. What is in your purse?
Wallet, keys, pepper spray (on keychain), Hello Kitty change purse, hair scrunchie, pen, mints, gum, breath strips, tooth picks, makeup bag, cell phone, sunglasses, pocket knife.

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Pet the kitties, talk to Jeff, read.

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
My health. And I just had a massage.