I think it started with some friends of my husband's kids. They were okay when they were younger, but they got worse as they got older. At least one of the two boys has ADHD and was put on Ritalin. They would bring them to the house on Saturday right after I had finished cleaning. They would then put their grubby fingerprints on everything, spill something on the carpet, torment my cats, and pitch a fit. One day the youngest pulled my cats tail, and I popped him on his forearm. I just knew his 200 plus pound mother would kick my ass, but she didn't. The parents also didn't discipline them well enough, especially when at someone else's house. How could they let their children act like that?

Well, whenever someone asked me if I had kids or when I would have kids I'd say "hell no" or "never." This bothered my husband more and more, so I don't do that anymore (at least not in front of him). He said he didn't want to feel like we'd never have any kids. I know he wants a kid eventually. I just don't know if I ever will.

It's a running joke with my friends that a minivan full of screaming kids follows me around. Wherever I go, a kid will have a (very loud) tantrum. It gives me this nervous tic, like I have neurological problems or something. Sometimes, if I can tell the kid is just being a brat, I'll mock him. "Waaaaaahhhhh!!!" They usually stop long enough to look at me like I'm crazy. I worry sometimes that a mother will flip out when I do this or when I give them "stink eye."

I could probably write a book about why I do not want to have children. I'll start with this list (in no particular order):

1. They are obnoxious.

2. Pregnancy - what it does to your body.

3. Breastfeeding.

4. Having to get babysitters to go anywhere without them.

5. The financial drain.

6. I'm too selfish.

7. I like my cats better.

8. Delivery (I had a miscarriage, so I got a taste of the pain. And episiotomy, ouch!)

9. I'm VERY impatient, and have a short temper.

10. I cannot stand disarray. I even clean at other peoples' houses.

11. I feel like an alien at baby showers. While everyone is oohing and ahhing, I'm rolling my eyes. After the last one over a year ago, I vowed never to go to another one.

12. I'm not sure Jeff would help during pregnancy or after. I've always done all of the cooking and cleaning. Who says he'd start after over 10 years of not helping?

13. Jeff has mentioned he wants to be in the delivery room if I ever have a kid. I've heard that once a man sees that, he no longer finds you sexy. Hell, who could blame him?