I had a really hard time at work yesterday. I was writing my diary entry, reading pet memorials online (big mistake), and I told one lady at work who is not an animal person, but asked me what was wrong. I just kept thinking of Thor in that cage alone, and how I didn't show him enough affection or attention. At least I'm not having uncontrollable crying jags now. I am saddened every time I look at where his bed was, or remember when walking in the dark that he's not there to trip over. I'm sure this is what Jeff's going through, times 100, and that makes me sad, too. I'm going to tell him tonight that even though I bitched about Thor all the time, that I loved him too. And that his death is hurting me. I'm not sure if I'll tell him about my day at work yesterday. I just want him to know without a doubt that I miss him and am not in any way glad he's gone. I think he knows, but I want to make sure.

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I'm doing better today, though I still think of Thor alone in his cage. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but it's hard. Was he in pain? Was he scared? I'll never know.

There are many reminders of him around here, despite Jeff having removed his bowls, bed, food, toys, etc. I saw a few muddy paw prints on the kitchen floor as I was mopping a few minutes ago. I had a brief inclination to leave them there and not erase evidence of his existence. Common sense (and an anal cleaning tendency) took over and I mopped them up. Every time I open the door and he's not there, then I look directly across the living room to where his bed was...it puts a lump in my throat, like the paw prints did.

I got the rose clippings started. Hopefully at least 2 of them will root and we can plant them by his grave. I'm looking at some photos of Thor from all the years to make a collage type thing out of them. I may also donate to the Atlanta Humane Society (where I used to volunteer) in his memory. Hell, I may even decide to resume volunteering. I don't know.