I also decided that if my face does not improve next week, I'm going back to the dermatologist. This has been going on since May. I think it started with the stress of my high school reunion. I get hormonal breakouts anyway. I guess the continued stresses and the heat have not helped. The doctor will probably want me to go back on Accutane. If I do that, I'll have to wait until February or March. I don't want to take that stuff during the dry months of winter, because it was bad enough in summer.

I do feel better. I think getting back into my normal routine and the amount of work has helped. I also think the PMS hormones are dissipating, especially since Aunt Flo made her appearance last night. The only thing I'm kind of down about now is my pizza face.

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The story. I've done this in such a discombobulated way that I can't remember what I've already said or what I wanted to add. Forgive me if I repeat myself.

We were sent to deliberate on Friday at around 2:30. I think that lasted about 2 hours. It was kind of unpleasant. I think I sort of had an anxiety attack after unsuccessfully trying to interject a point or statement I was trying to make. A lady beside me got everyone's attention and I was allowed to speak. Everyone had so much to say that any break was immediately filled. I was taught not to interrupt, and I usually try not to. I ended up not saying much, but making some very good points when I did speak. I also started getting worried about a couple of the jurors who were obviously sympathetic to the defense (nothing wrong with that), but seemed to be making irrelevant or illogical arguments. One guy was insinuating that the pants with the blood could not have been the defendants because they looked to small (32/30). They came from his room, for gods' sake. Yes, the defendant had a belly. I said that if he was worried about the belly, that is my Dad's size. He has a belly, too. I also said that the defendant was obviously heavier than he was in his mug shot and post-arrest interview video. His face was even fuller. Hell, he's been fed really well having been in jail for 18 months.

I had flip-flopped in my opinions all week. I was reserving my decision until hearing all of the evidence/testimony. That is what we are supposed to do. A guy at work told me that they had joked that they wouldn't want me on their jury. I'm a fair person. I can be a bitch and still be fair and logical. (Right, Kellie?) I also wonder if my occupation had anything to do with my selection, it being logical and detail-oriented.

We had most of the evidence in there with us. The things taken from the defendant's room, the victim's clothing, autopsy and crime scene photos, aerial shots of the area surrounding the motel. The same guy who argued about the defendant's jeans mistakenly said, "What about those black jeans?", thinking they were also the defendant's. Uh, no. Those were the victim's. "Ohhhh." Don't get me wrong. I was not in there saying, "Fry him." I was undecided until we got in there. We developed a time line so everyone could understand what happened and discuss the validity of defense-proposed scenarios. After all this, anyone with doubts was satisfied and we voted unanimously on all 4 counts. I even asked once the votes were in if anyone had voted differently that they felt to appease or to go home early. Everyone said no, they were convinced. This made me feel better. I was glad we had all separately come to the same conclusions.

We told the bailiff of our decision, and he went to the judge. After 15 or so minutes, we were called back into court. As you've probably seen on TV, the judge asks the foreman if we've come to a decision. He stands and says, "Yes we have, your honor." The bailiff takes it from the foreman and then gives it to the judge. The judge reads it, then gives it to the clerk to read aloud. My stomach was in a knot the entire time. There were no outbursts or anything. The defense asked for time before a sentencing hearing to "consult with his client." We were taken back to the jury room.

The judge came back and thanked us. She said the lawyers were right in thanking us during closing statements for doing such a good job and paying such close attention. She gave us our checks and certificates. She asked if any of us would like to be notified of the sentence, and many of us said yes (including me). She told us there was an automatic life sentence on one of the murder charges (can't remember which one). There's also an automatic appeal.

On the way home I called missleigh so I could finally talk about it. At home I went online to finally look it up, and found nothing. The local newspaper wanted to charge me to access their archives. Screw that, I'll get a library card for free. I did, and only found 2 articles from when it happened about a paragraph long each. The only things I learned that weren't in the trial were that he was on parole for burglary, that former neighbors said he constantly fought with his former girlfriend, and that he bragged of having been in a "chain gang" in prison. All irrelevant to the trial, so not disclosed in court. I wanted to know about the family, the area's reaction, any friends or family of the defendant's reactions. There hasn't been any mention of the verdict in any papers, on TV or anything that I can find. I did find basically a recap of the articles on a memorial type of website called little angels or something.

OK, I guess that's enough. If I remember anything else, I'll add it later.